So You Just Had a Baby…?

So You Just Had a Baby… !?

This baby feels like… a lot

Discovering that you are going to become a parent is filled with endless emotions. Yes, there is joy and excitement – A baby! They’re so cute..and squishy..and their squeals…gah! But there are also questions of uncertainty and often trepidation – How will I/we pay for this? Will I go back to work? Will my partner go back to work? Will I breastfeed? What if they cry all the time? Are we going to be bonded right away? I’m going to miss my friends. And, wait, do I need to set up a nursery?? 

Immediately following the arrival of a baby is also a time of increased emotion…You may feel like they’re the cutest human on the planet (they are!) or that they smell amazing (they do!) and that they are the sweetest (for sure!). But, you may also feel overwhelmed by the drastic changes  in your life. You’ve swapped out evenings with friends on restaurant patios with bouncing a baby on an exercise ball while simultaneously Googling the best burp cloths, diaper creams and swaddles. Or, you may feel like you’re just not bonding with your baby like you should (those Instagram moms made it seem different…). 

These shifting environmental and social stressors coupled with the hormonal changes that occur both during and after pregnancy are difficult to manage! You are not alone. This adjustment is hard…for everyone. Say it with me, “I am not alone. This adjustment is hard…for everyone.”

It’s important to take care of yourself as you go through this adjustment. Here are my top 5 tips: 

  • Accept help. There is truth to the “it takes a village” saying. Accept those offers for keeping you company, bringing over dinner, folding laundry, etc. 
  • Go on walks. Getting outside can be so helpful! If you have a newborn in the winter and it’s not too cold, bundle up! Trust me on this… we live in Minnesota!
  • Join a mom’s group. Whether it’s your 1st child or your 5th child, every baby is different and can present new challenges. 
  • Communicate with your partner and family about what you need. As much as we wish mind-readers existed (especially in this phase of life), they don’t; so speak up and let people know what you need from them. 

Remember to be kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can and this will get better. 

Sometimes, it is also really helpful to connect with outside support. It may be that a postpartum doula would be helpful. Or, it may be that talking to a therapist would be helpful. Research shows that 1 in 5 women develop a Postpartum Mood and Adjustment Disorder (PMAD), so it’s more common than we think!  If you think this would be helpful, please give me a call: Katie Fleuriet, MSW, LICSW. Additionally, be sure to check out Postpartum Support International for more resources. 

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I’m Anxious About My Future

It is very normal to feel anxious about the future. For one thing, the future brings lots of uncertainty, which can be anxiety provoking in itself. Also, when thinking about the future, there are big decisions to make such as whether or not to go to college, take a gap year, enter the workforce, etc. Maybe you haven’t made these decisions yet and that’s okay. Some people put pressure on themselves about these decisions and/or get pressure from outside sources such as teachers and parents. Maybe you have gotten the message that you need to know what you want to do RIGHT NOW, and that what you choose you will be stuck with until you retire. That’s a lot of pressure! No wonder you are anxious if this is how the future feels to my teen suffering from anxiety

Future decisions are not set in stone. You can take your time to make up your mind and can then make changes along the way. Some people change their major in college numerous times. Some people go to school for one thing and end up doing something else. Some people have a career for a while and then change careers later in life. All of this is okay. While thinking about the future is scary, taking time to plan out the future might decrease anxiety because it decreases uncertainty. And be ready for the curves or changes of heart that come along with being human. We don’t always know how things are going to be, or how we are going to feel. There is not a “right” way, as we are all different.

I also see young people worry about the future because they think if they take a “misstep” their dreams will unravel. For example, they think they need to get all As or they will not get to have the future they want (or the future others want for them). Again, no wonder you feel anxious if you are being given the message that one B will ruin your future. It’s okay to not get all As. Many people who did not get all As in school go on to have very successful careers. I’m not saying don’t try in school. I’m just saying that you don’t have to put so much pressure on yourself.

what decision making actually looks like

Or maybe you are anxious for the future because it is such a big change (like those of you who are about to graduate high school, go off to college, or enter the workforce). Other people feel nervous about these transitions, too. You are not alone. Think about other times you have gone through a transition, like the transition from middle school to high school. Remind yourself you were able to get through it.

In summary, here are the strategies I have detailed to reduce worry about future:

  1. Remind yourself that decisions are not set in stone; life is fluid and ever changing. It is okay to change your mind.
  2. Make a plan, so that you know your next step. Remember, plans can change. This is a normal part of life and helps us understand ourselves better!
  3. Do your best to put less pressure on yourself!
  4. Remember other transitions you have gone through in your life that turned out okay. Think positive thoughts!

There are many reasons why thinking about the future is difficult. What has helped you in managing your anxiety about the future?

Blog written by Sentier therapist, Andrea Schroeder, MS, LPCC, LPC

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